PAXbaby.com

Well… the news is out… PAXmommy Jillian is expecting Baby Number NINE sometime in July 2017!!!
#weneedanewhashtag

paxbaby
*happy babywearing*
paxbaby

The post BABY #9! appeared first on PAXbaby.

***Please take caution when reading this heartfelt post; you may be triggered if you have been affected by pregnancy loss.
PAXbaby.com

Now that you have tried to make a baby, there’s the endless two week wait while you wrestle with the inner turmoil and emotional personal disputes not limited to “was now the right time?” “should we have waited?” “am I ready?” “are WE ready?” “what will I do if we are pregnant?” “what will I do if we’re NOT pregnant.” For me, having lost our eighth baby in May but knowing for 21 days before I started bleeding that the early birth was imminent, my current wait for my period to start is causing PTSD style flashbacks. A few months ago I was hanging onto each moment with my baby and trying not to lose my mind in grief. Here I am today, hoping for the best, but expecting nothing, and reliving each day of my loss while I carefully check my toilet paper (ok, you got me! family cloth!) for a trace of blood or ANY clue as to why I am now 2 days late without a positive on my pregnancy tests. Speaking of which, I ordered a stack of 100 cheapies from Amazon when we decided that September would be our first TRY month! I love the cheap sticks because I can pee away without worrying about the money; I limited myself to 1 a day but quickly progressed to 2. Given the fact that I am crying at the latest episode of This Is Us, craving eggs (I’m a VEGAN!), and I suddenly think that coffee tastes gross, I want to believe that I am pregnant and my HCG levels just aren’t caught up yet. But on the other hand, I have become a public crier since losing my Blaise in May, my friend Guin has been hooking us up with amazing happy eggs from her backyard chickens, and at PAXretreat I was treated to amazing cappuccino every day so ordinary coffee is kind of gross in comparison. So maybe these aren’t symptoms as much as they are just part of being me.

PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

The thoughts that go through my mind every time I step into the bathroom to pee on ANOTHER stick are :
You just bribed your other kids to stay downstairs with some gluten free cookies and a science based show on Netflix so that you could go in the bathroom and cry. This is a new low.

You can’t even go to the bathroom without at least one child sitting in your lap. How will you fit your belly in here too??

If you pee on your hand one more time while aiming for the pee stick….

And my personal favorite, your baby is finally sleeping through the night and 100% potty trained except the occasional accident. WHY ON EARTH would you want to start all over?

But the thoughts that go through my mind each time I pee on another stick and see that negative sticking its tongue out at me are :
You have peed on 10 sticks in the last 3 days; just wait and see.

You are the most impatient person I know.

You need to drink more water; your pee isn’t clear!

You need to calm down, and focus on the 7 little blessings waiting for you downstairs, covered with cookie crumbs and filled with new Science facts to share with you.

You need to accept with grace whatever happens this month.

Next month is another cycle, another chance for the baby that YOU KNOW you are meant to hold in your arms.

 PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

But let me tell you, the wait is so stressful, and the associations I can give every odd event make my emotions swing wildly within minutes. I took 2 naps yesterday; I MUST be pregnant! I don’t feel like eating; I MUST NOT be pregnant! My breasts hurt; I MUST be pregnant! I have high highs and low lows like PMS; I MUST NOT be pregnant! My belly is sticking out even though I’m not eating much and exercising daily; I MUST be pregnant!

PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

Now add to this emotional rollercoaster the guilt that I feel for closing the story of my 8th baby, and wanting to try again for #9. Did I give her tiny life enough respect. Have I taught the kids well that though they never got to meet their baby sister, she counts as one of their siblings. Was I a good enough mom to my Blaise during our 15 weeks together.  Am I ready to share my love with someone new.  Am I ready to be pregnant again, count the weeks again, and hold my breath until we pass that 15 week mark when I gave birth last. Will my body be ready in 36ish weeks to be healthy, and my mind to be whole and focused and not remembering the pain and suffering that a year beforehand brought me to my hardest birth. Can I give a new baby the grace to not replace my Blaise, but to be another love of my life, not detracting from my previous experience, but adding a new bud to the beautiful bouquet of lives, deaths, and memories that I hold in my heart.
PAXbaby.com

Am I strong enough? Am I mom enough? Time will tell.
PAXbaby.com

The post Waiting appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

What brings you JOY?

No matter how tiny, we’d love to hear it! Is it that first sip of coffee in the morning? The tiny breaths of a baby sleeping on your chest? A solo Target trip?

Sometimes as a caregiver, we get so caught up in making everyone else happy that we forget to take care of ourselves, too. How does that saying go?
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”
Well, it is true.
Sometimes all we need is to take a step back, breathe and focus on one calming, joy-filled moment just for ourselves.
Now, that moment is not going to look the same for everyone.
For some, that moment may even be at midnight when the entire house is silent: a hot, essential oil filled bath without interruption.
For others, that could be driving to school pick up with the radio blasting and the windows down.
A joyful moment, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend money, either.
Relish in the leaves changing color, splashing in the puddles, taking one extra moment to lay in bed before the kids jump on you, choosing the comfy clothes…

Whatever it may be, please try to challenge yourself this week to find the joy in the chaotic.
Get back to us and tell us what you did! <3

Love,

The PAXmoms

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post What brings you JOY appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

Our newest adventure in #readaloudrevival is Roald Dahl’s The BFG in which the Giants drink an amazing beverage called Frobscottle.  I challenged each of the kids to design their own magical elixir! The results were varied, but everyone stated that their concoction was “rare!” Some were tasty, some not, and three of them had the magical ability to fill you up for the whole day; wouldn’t that come in handy! My focus with the older kids this year is GRAMMAR, so they each wrote a paragraph about their imaginary beverage. This challenged a couple of them to think outside their usual “box,” and drew out the sillies from the others who love to get creative in their writing! I love watching their vocabulary improving daily as well as their use of interesting sentence structure!
#homeschool #homeschooling #learnathome #secondgenerationhomeschooler

paxbaby
*happy babywearing*
paxbaby

The post Read Aloud with The BFG appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

“This should be my belly right now. I know five babies was not in our “plan” but now that #5 is no longer here, the pain of the loss runs deep. I never knew how much miscarriage can mess with your hormones, your mind, your heart. I should be prepping tiny diapers and finishing last minute quilts and blankies right now. Instead, I’m packing up the last of Baby #4’s diapers knowing there will never be another little baby here again. If anything, this experience has given me way more empathy to others going through the same thing. “It’s probably for the best.” And “be thankful for the kids you have” are not comforting … The grief is real, whether the baby was planned or not. The hormone fluctuation is real, and can make you feel off the wall. I know it is not my fault but the guilt of having four healthy, easy pregnancies and then a loss, is real. What went wrong with this one? I compare my loss to others, and think, “Ok, you need to suck it up – other people have been through WAY worse.” “At least it wasn’t _____” But, I need to allow myself sadness, time to grieve. My loss was real. It may be different, but it is still real.

The post PAXmommy Mel’s loss appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby

PAXbaby

I’m a huge bookworm, but I don’t have much time for pleasure reading. What I do make sure to have time for is to read aloud to my littles.  A favorite activity in my house is to all snuggle in my bed – queen size! – and listen to mama read aloud. Picture books, chapter books, bring on the books, we read them all! Because of this family habit, it is my belief that my children will grow up to love books as much as I do, and that makes me very happy.As the new school year approaches, we’ve been discussing the addition of a few new To Do’s for the older kids to keeep life spinning smoothly during our school day. One of Lucy’s new chores will be the wonderful task of setting up our mantle in a delightful library style; I chose a few topics for September and compiled a book list for each one. The books we don’t have will be fetched from the library, or ordered from amazon thanks to school funding! I’ve also asked her to augment the arrangement with props and decorations!

The post Read Aloud Revival appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

We all know how PAXdaddy loves to “up-cycle”, so the theme for his birthday was – USE allllll the leftover decorations from the year’s previous birthday celebrations!! It was a HIT!!!

How do you make birthdays special??

Do you decorate your home? Your child’s room??

We would love to see!

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post Birthday themes appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

A very happy birthday to PAXdaddy Aaron!!
Thank you for EVERYTHING you do!!
Love,

The PAXmommies

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post Happy Birthday, PAXdaddy!! appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

A message from PAXmommy Jillian and PAXdaddy Aaron:

“Aaron and I had to give our little herd the most difficult news last night. Telling them that their new baby has gone to Heaven and they will not be holding a sweet new person in their arms this November was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. Baby #8 was loved completely and perfectly; we understand that this is all part of God’s plan for our family, but we will be taking some time to grieve and mourn that we will never hear our baby’s laughter or be able to comfort our baby’s tears. Please pray for us as we reconcile our hopes & dreams with our new reality.

The post BB8 & Loss appeared first on PAXbaby.

It is with an overflowing heart and joyful song that I am writing this blog post! As each of my babies has been born and grows so quickly into a small person, I wonder, “Is this my last baby? Will this be the last time I experience the wonderment of birth, the satisfaction of bringing new life into the world, and the plethora of firsts that come along with a new soul here on earth?!?!” After #babycate was born, 28 months ago, I felt a deep sadness that I talked of frequently; I tried to assuage my depression with the thought “I can’t wait to see who you become.” And after time, I was able to focus more and more positively on that mantra. As much as I wanted to be pregnant again, to hold my own newborn in my arms again, to watch another of my own babies grow and thrive and flourish under my constant care, I understood that if Cate were truly my last, I could be content with my seven amazing children. What else could I possibly want? Last week, that question was answered. Just One More Baby.

PAXbaby.com
I have learned so much about mourning and grieving the children I currently mother every day all day. All the reasons I should not and will not again fall down that rabbit hole of sadness. This pregnancy and birth and baby may absolutely be my LAST, but I will rejoice at each milestone, at each inch grown, and at each step taken! I will not again allow myself to be tortured by the might, probably and maybes that sneak into my head. This could absolutely be the last baby I carry in my womb and birth from my own strength, but that is okay! Because I trust that everything that might and could happen, will. That everything that is supposed and predestined, will. That nothing is an accident. That there is a reason for everything. And this, Baby #8 aka #JustOneMoreBabyD, is the absolute consequence in trusting, believing, and allowing life to happen as it should.
PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

*happy babywearing*

PAXbaby.com

The post Wonderful news for PAXbaby! appeared first on PAXbaby.

We are small but mighty!!!!
In a nutshell, there’s me, PAXmommy Jillian, along with PAXdaddy who takes care of the IT stuff that I have no clue how to fix, plus PAXmommy Melanie in Canada who is our blogess and Facebook maven! PAXmommy Christina answers most of our emails and phone calls, & PAXmommy Celia makes your special links and stockings run smoothly, just to name a few of her tasks! PAXtographer Allie who takes amazing photos of our products and also at PAXplaydates, PAXmommy Madison (my new sister in law) is our book keeper, and last but not least, PAXmommy Catherine (my own mama) is our shipping manager who keeps track of incoming product and ships out ALL of your orders! Talk about a family business,
So that’s 8 of us, and we are a force to be reckoned with!!!!
PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

*happy babywearing*

PAXbaby.com

The post The PAX dream team appeared first on PAXbaby.

I am not sure there is any job as exhausting and equally as rewarding as being a parent! I know that from sun up to sun down and beyond, PAXdaddy and I are at beck & call to the most amazing herd of children who each have something VERY important to say, often at the same time!! Why is it that when one toddler has to go to the bathroom, the other one decides they do too? It’s like a toilet paper relay race around here especially at dinnertime! But one day, when we are old, and our memories have faded to a dull fuzz, Aaron and I will look back at this time of our lives and laugh. Laugh at how insanely hard we worked every minute of every day, and laugh because we lived through it all! The big, the bad, and the ugly, it all will seem like a pleasant dream as we are surrounded by the glow of our children’s children’s love. It will be worth the crazy schedules,  the cold coffee, and the minutes (no, hours) spent wiping small bums and singing Frosty the Snowman, over and over and over.

To you, my equally as exhausted friends, keep on smiling, keep on smiling! I know it’s hard, but your babies will remember your joy more than your sorrow so let your light shine out, even when times are rough!
And to my little loves, I adore you and don’t wish my life were any different, but do you think that maybe you could sleep in JUST a little in the morning? Thanks, your tired and ecstatically happy mama <3

PAXbaby.com

PAXbaby.com

*happy babywearing*

PAXbaby.com

The post Being “mama” or “papa” appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

Going to Disneyland soon??? Check out these two blog posts and find out which rides you can babywear on, and which to stay clear of!
http://paxbaby.com/babywearing-at-disneyland/
http://paxbaby.com/babywearing-and-disneyland/

Have any other tips?? We would love to hear them!!

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post PAXbaby and Disneyland babywearing! appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

How sweet are PAXmommy Christina’s biggest and littlest!? *swooon*
I suppose there is one advantage to your kids growing up! Do your older siblings babywear??

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post Babywearing siblings appeared first on PAXbaby.

I am THANKFUL every day for my work that inspires me as a parent; watching each of you blossom and bloom with your own families only serves to motivate me to be THAT involved in my children’s lives, THAT loving with each of them, THAT sweet and kind, gentle and nurturing! With every picture you share and comment you post, you fill me with the knowledge that we are raising a generation of young people who are so beloved! It is evident with every photo and sentence that these babies will grow to be an amazing, strong, and influential society who WILL change the world as we know it! As Thanksgiving 2015 comes and goes, let us all be thankful for our mama village, our parental tribe, those who have shaped and formed us into the caregivers that we are! Also, let us give thanks out loud for each and every one of our children for they will hold that praise in their hearts and one day remember the moment that we thanked them merely for being THEMSELVES.

PAXbaby.com
Today is a day for gratitude for the past, present, and future! As hard as the past was, we would be different people had it been any less so. As difficult as each today can be, we only grow stronger through withstanding trials and tribulations. And as daunting and unpredictable as the future may seem, know that YOU are making a difference and helping to bring each of us to a better place by being the wonderful, caring, and persevering parent you are! Happy Thanksgiving!!! May your table be filled not only with bountiful food, but with the company of your loved ones and may your house resound with the sound of your children’s laughter!

PAXbaby.com

The post I am THANKFUL appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

Let’s show PAXmommy Christina some L <3 V E!!!!! She welcomed her beautiful baby boy last night and we are over the moon (rainbow??)!!!!

Name and details to be announced at a later date!

Happy babymooning!!!

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post Congratulations, PAXmommy Christina!! appeared first on PAXbaby.

Paxbaby.com

“Pregnancy is hard on the body, but being pregnant and trying to hold a wiggly 2 year old in my arms is even harder.”
Read all about PAXmommy Christina & her adventures in pregnant babywearing!!!
http://www.freehandsfullheart.com/2015/06/25/babywearing-while-pregnant-the-tips-for-babywearing-at-each-stage-series/

**remember to consult your doctor or midwife before babywearing whilst pregnant**

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post PAXmommy Christina on Pregnant Babywearing appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

This is PAXmommy Jillian’s “I’m holding a baby face!!!”
The babyfever is strong over here!!! Who are we kidding, does it ever go away???

There is nothing like the anticipation of a baby. Waiting all of those months to meet that little person that YOU created, nurtured and grew inside of you for nine months. Waiting to feel their sweet breath on your cheek. Waiting to see who they resemble, how much they will weigh, what color hair they will have… And then all of a sudden… they are HERE… EARTH-side. Their birth is a story all of its own, but just that immediate feeling of reaching down and pulling their naked little bodies up onto your chest, and thinking HOW, HOW did you fit inside me!??! The surge of emotions. Their first cry. Their first latch. Their first snuggles. The minutes that follow, the hours, the days. Having a newborn is a lot of work, YES. But, oh how it is worth it isn’t it??? Can we somehow figure out a way to just pause those few days of bliss. Of falling in love with a perfect little squish. Ahhh….

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post How do you know when … appeared first on PAXbaby.

When we get together, our children romp and bicker while the parents try to have a conversation over the chaos and uproar that is 10 children under 13 years old. We eventually have to give up, and give in to the conversation that is the loudest – that is the one that the children want to have. Singing Let It Go at the top of our lungs, launching rocket fire crackers in the back yard, creating Pinterest fail patriotic fruit skewers, our little gathering is food for our souls.

Days after this celebration is over, my cheeks will still hurt from laughing, and my husband and I will most likely still have a private giggle over something hilarious said between the parents. In such busy times, such a friendship is a commitment, a unity not easily broken. This year we have high hopes for another amazing holiday spent in the company of friends who have helped to create a nonstressful, generous atmosphere in which our children can be themselves unhampered by the outside world’s perspective.
Here, in our happy bubble, our friends join us and make us feel ever grateful to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave!
Have a happy FOURTH of July, PAXfriends
paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

The post Stars and Stripes appeared first on PAXbaby.

PAXbaby.com

Well, May means Birthday Month has kicked off around PAXHQ!!

Four parties pretty much back to back!!

Which month is YOUR busiest???

May the FOURTH be with you today, and all month long!

paxbaby

*happy babywearing*

paxbaby

The post May the Fourth Be With You appeared first on PAXbaby.